Motivation – the Train that Never Arrives

“We always have time for the things we need to do,
But never enough time for the things we ought to do.”

I have been waiting for the right motivation all my life. I have created many stories and characters in my head.  I’ve been dreaming of the day when I would finally finish my masterpiece. Then it hit me: Will I ever get it done? Where is my Motivation? 

Thinking is not doing. I know this. The above quote is from a friend and mentor who warned me about this nearly forty years ago. Still, it has taken me a very long time to truly understand what he was trying to express to me.

Why does motivation arrive for what I need to do and not for what I ought to do? It’s because writing, with the aim of publishing, is a risky business and the survival instinct in humans is all about reducing risks. Do I want to stand out from the crowd? Sure, I do. But, only in theory. Just thinking about how it will open myself up to public criticism makes me want to stay in bed all day safely hidden under the blankets.

This fear of risk-taking is the same reason why so few people do anything out of the ordinary. They fear starting their own businesses or speaking in public. It’s so much easier to simply keep our heads down and do the things people expect me to do. Mowing the lawn or washing the dishes may not be pleasant things, but they are familiar things to do, comfortable things. But when I up my pen – ink or digital – to begin something new that fear begins well up in my chest. To make it go away, I begin to look for the things I “need to do.” The fear subsides, but the desire to write continues to gnaw away in my heart and mind.

Motivation is never going to arrive. At age 61, I know that now. I must push on without it.

I wonder will it get easier? Will obscurity be my future? If so, I am afraid of nothing. Will fame cure that fear? Doubtful. Most famous people say celebrity status only made all their insecurities worse. What if the worse happens and I’m humiliated? Well, I’m old enough to have been there already – so what am I really afraid of? I think it’s a phantom fear and that’s how I must think about it to continue on.

How will I do it? I have thought about it a lot these past few months. And now when I start to recognize that terrible, debilitating fear of the risk welling up, I try to take courage and push that fear away.  I must concentrate on what I want to write. I must dare to make time for my art and do it regularly. Lastly, I remind myself: I need to do what I ought to do.

On the Gladiator Games in DC this Week

Two big fails:

1. Men shouldn’t use their virginity to defend themselves. They can defend a woman’s honor, but not themselves. Just don’t do it. It’s not a good look.

2. Women, by the age of 53, should know what “exculpatory” means. Which explains why she provided the names of witnesses who didn’t back her up. Besides, that, naming your “friend” before asking her? Doesn’t say much about your friendship.

If I were advised to do either of these things, I would have told them to go to hell.

I am back

So after a long break, I am working on some new stories.  I am also reworking this website.

I’m not sure of my posting schedule at the moment, but I will try to not be a stranger to my own site. 🙂

Best Laid Plans…February Fail

So, figuring I’d have more time to blog with this new job, I predicted that I’d be here more than I have. Seems I spoke too soon.

It turned out I do have more time and energy, but I also had such a large back load of things that needed to be done at home (plus a few minor family crises), that I haven’t been able to live up to my new resolution.

However, I have been writing and working on new things, so let’s see if March turns out to be a better blogging month. I’m going to give it my best shot. 🙂

 

 

Good News: New Job, New Energy

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So, after 8 months at a miserable job which sapped my time and energy, I have finally found a new job.

I’m working the front desk at a local resort. This  new job is a  sedentary one – which means I’ll have to hit the gym more – but it shouldn’t leave me so exhausted that I can’t pick up a pen to draw or form a complete sentence at some time during the day.  I’m hoping that means I’ll be blogging more and will be able to get back to my many, fun hobbies – especially my stories.

Another bonus at the new job is that I get to tool around, occasionally, on a golf cart and get some sun. You can’t beat that with a stick.

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So, here’s to a new start (once again) at this blogging thing.

Cheers!